Ok so having twins does not lend itself to blogging, or doing anything else really on a schedule. But at least it's only been a month. In a month, these guys have become little bruisers with big personalities. They've been entertaining a steady stream of weekend visitors and saving their nearly daily meltdowns for about 4 p.m., after everyone leaves. Sleeping patterns are starting to emerge, though we the caretaking parents are not getting much more than 2 hours at a stretch (and for me, 4-5 hours total unless I "sleep in" until 10, or noon, which I have done once). They're eating like fiends. And well beyond the newborn stage, at around 10 lbs. each and very, very alert.

Unfortunately since they're growing so fast they're not going to fit into most of the mountains and mountains of clothes we've gotten from well-wishing friends and family. I've got 2 bags full of brand new outfits to offer up to preggie friends. Good to know: I won't buy clothes as baby gifts in the future myself. Instead, I'll give:

1. Baby books. Not everyone does these anymore because everything is digital, but it's nice to have a tangible keepsake. Plus where else can you put those locks of hair, birth announcements, and cute baby footprints? I bought my own from Rag & Bone.

2. Inkpad kit for taking baby footprints. Apparently they don't take footprints for the birth certificates in the hospital anymore. So you need a washable inkpad and perhaps some nice paper or a baby book upon which to do these.

3. Legwarmers. My friend bought 4 pairs for us and I love them. They're perfect to wear with a onesie on a cool day. And rediculously cute.

4. Photo albums. Nice ones. I bought 4 mini albums and really like the Kolo ones that hold 24 pics and have lovely linen covers.

5. Video camera. Flips get all the press, but actually the Kodak Playtouch reviews (and resolution) are better. At $200 or so, it's feasible that a good friend or family member could swing it, and you'll want to capture their stages as they fly thru them at light speed. I am thinking about buying a Kodak one.

6. Swaddling blankets. We did get some of these as gifts and we use so many of them, I will know in the future that this is the thing to gift. Flannel "Swaddle Me" brand is our favorite.

7. Toys. We don't really have many toys. Not stuffed animals. Toys. We got rattles, yes, and a few books, but only around 3 toys. I didn't realize that you might actually want some toys around at 3 or 4 months.

8. Stationery. Thank you notes, thank you notes, thank you notes.

9. Nightlight. I don't have one. We turn on the closet light and open the door a crack when we're night feeding. (Keeps the circadian rhythms in shape). But a cool nightlight like this one would be a great gift.

10. Target gift cards. You have no idea how much @x&$! you will buy at Target.

Life becomes a constant string of tiny celebrations: 3 weeks old today! First bath today! First ride in the stroller today! And on it goes. These little joys add up and fulfill the promise that already-parents always make to parents-to-be: "it's the best thing you'll ever do." I admit I was a little skeptical but I'm finding that it's true - it all does make life a lot more meaningful all of a sudden, even if the milestones seem silly to anyone but yourself (and your spouse, maybe the grandparents).

One thing I've been looking forward to writing up for this blog is a sort of roundup and review of the "stuff" I've found you truly do need and which purchases we've made that so far seem totally worthwhile. So much advice was doled out going into this and some of it made sense, some did not. For the most part you need diapers, wipes, and food. Plus a dozen onesies per baby (don't need socks or hats here in SoCal!) and maybe 4 or 5 swaddling blankets.

Besides that, here's what really DOES get used around here. My top ten products:

1. Burp cloths: Wow, we use these like crazy. For burping, as bibs during feedings, to wipe spit-up off little mouths, to wipe spit-up and pee off mom, the walls, and the furniture. We have about 50 of them, some terry cloth, some flannel, and a few that are just cotton diapers. Sometimes we lay them flat under the babies' heads in the cribs while they sleep, in case they spit up (you MUST save your sheets! Changing crib sheets is one of the hardest things I've had to do this entire month - avoid it).

2. Crib sheets: Speaking of sheets, you need at least two, one to sleep on, one as backup. But really, try to avoid having the change the sheets. We have the Dwell owls and Dwell chevron ones and I love them. Very hip. 100% cotton of course.

3. Sheet savers: We got the Circo ones from Target. These tie to the crib rails and you lay the baby or at least the baby's head on it so if he/she spits up, it soils the sheet saver, not the sheet. Then you just wash the sheet saver. Easy. No one told us about this.

4. Changing table: Who says you don't need one? We have the 3-drawer Babyletto Modo one and it's awesome. We store diapers and wipes in the top drawer, extra diapers in the second drawer, and clothes in the third drawer. It's hard to imagine how people manage changing and storing all their diapering supplies otherwise. Gotta have a changing table in my opinion. The great thing about the one we have is that it becomes an attractive mod dresser afterwards that a child can use for years.

5. Avent bottle sterilizer: We're prepping bottles all day and all night so once we wash a load, we pop them into the sterilizer which goes into the microwave for 2 minutes and we feel better about the cleanliness of our feeding gear. Hard to be thorough sometimes at 3:00 a.m.

6. Belly wrap: This is for mom to wear post-delivery to help flatten the belly by shrinking the uterus faster. It's basically like a large velcro-close ace bandage that wears like a girdle. You wear it all day every day and it really seems to work. I was back in regular clothes by week 3 and lost just about all my preggie weight by then as well. If your doctor doesn't provide one, Brooke Burke has a company that sells nice-looking, tightly-fitting ones -- I have one in nude lace. Check out BabooshBaby.com (you're welcome, Brooke).

7. Boppy pillow: Everyone says you need one and I wasn't sure why but what a life-saver this has been for helping prop up one baby while I attempt to feed both at the same time by bottle. Our fussy daughter seems to be helped with her reflux problems by being propped up in the boppy for a while after eating and sometimes we have her next to us on the sofa in it while she naps. You're not supposed to let them sleep in it unattended, so avoid that.

8. Medela Freestyle breast pump: I LOVE this pump. It's as powerful as larger, more cumbersome pumps but compact and portable. You can literally pump while walking around the house carrying the pump in your pocket or via the wrist strap. It runs off an adapter or a rechargeable battery. So glad I bought this one. And it comes with its own nice-looking tote bag, bottles, and a bottle cooling bag.

9. Nursing tanks: I bought 3 of these at Target (Gillian O'Malley brand) and they are great -- perfect for wearing anytime, esp. to sleep in. No need to spend $40 - these were around $12 each; I got one of them on clearance for five bucks. I also bought 5 nursing bras at Target - the modal ones are my faves. Again, cheap. About $13 each.

10. Chicco Keyfit 30 carseats: These are top-rated for safety and easy to clip into and get out of your car. They're great for small infants and supposedly fit kids up to 30 pounds. The only drawback is that they don't fit into most snap-and-go strollers. In that case we bought the Chicco Cortina Together Double stroller in matching "fuego" red and it works great. I didn't like the bulkiness of the stroller at first but after I figured out how to fold and unfold it and used it around the neighborhood a few times it was clear that a carseat stroller was the way to go for infants. Easy breezy.

Other than this, make sure you have some stationery and stamps on hand - lots of packages arrive those first few weeks! Thank-you notes are part of the daily routine.

Most. Surreal. Month. Of my life?

The twins are here! I have obviously been a little preoccupied what with 20 feedings per day, nanny research/interviews, thank-you notes, and housekeeping and am now going to attempt to summarize the incredible series of events and physical and psychological transformation I and Akhil and our household have undergone in just 3 weeks.

Wyatt Akhil Madhani and Liv Surya Madhani were delivered by C-section on Monday, August 9, 2010, at 10:35 and 10:38 a.m., weighing in at five pounds, 11 ounces and five pounds, seven ounces. 37 weeks and one day. No NICU time! We love them dearly and can't quite believe we're being entrusted to take care of these beautiful little people. They are apparently healthy, gaining weight like champs, and eating faithfully every two-to-three hours, much to their parents' exhaustion.

I on the other hand had a few post-delivery problems. I'd been to the hospital at the advice of my doctor for a stress test the Thursday before, and after 4 hours of monitoring, they sent me home, but I had to go back Sunday for another one. Apparently my blood pressure was up and down, and my platelets were dropping slightly. Not to mention my edema was becoming disgusting. Giant feet, giant legs. Signs of preeclampsia. It only gets worse, they said. They gave me a choice on Sunday: deliver that day or stay overnight and wait for my actual doctor to return from vacation and discuss with him. I stayed overnight in the high-risk unit; Akhil stayed with me. At 8:30 a.m. on Monday we decided with my doc to go for the open slot at 10.

The delivery went fine - very quick! It was a bizarre experience. Your entire body is so numb you can see them lifting something heavy about 3 feet from your head and then you realize - oh my god, those are my legs! Like they've become unattached from your body or something. Then they're cutting, and all of a sudden, these fully formed humans come out and you just can't believe what you're seeing. First it was Wyatt, who looked absolutely nothing like what we'd expected. Some say he resembles my father? And then Liv, who is such a girly girl, you could see her eyelashes from across the room.

They let Akhil hold them for a photo or two then whisked them away to the nursery. I went into recovery and proceeded to have a hemorrhage about an hour later. That put me back in the OR, where I learned to revere my OB - and the incredible team of nurses who took care of me all day long and all week for that matter. I was in high risk two more days, unable to really do anything, with bags of blood and magnesium sulfate and other stuff hooked up to my wrist, exhausted, bloated, and in no shape to see or feed little babies. I didn't see them again until Day 2, and then, only once.

By Day 3, I was feeling pretty good, and they transferred us to a nicer, larger recovery room where we stayed 2 more days and had the babies with us the rest of the time. That's when we really started to try to get to know these little people. Who's fussy (Liv), who's chill (Wyatt), and who looks like whom in our families (no one, really???? So far).

Meanwhile I have to give a massive shout-out to the nursing staff at Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, who are incredible. In our isolation from the outside world for 5 days, they tended to my every need and then some and gave us unbelievable training all week on feeding, swaddling, nursing, sleeping... it was like a free week of Extreme Baby Boot Camp, and had I not had a C-section we would have missed out on all that. It also sort of warmed up our psyches for the intense life change we were about to undergo. It's true, the pregnancy really WAS a blip. These last 3 weeks are when the true work has begun. We feed every 2-3 hours, round the clock, and the kitchen has become a conveyer belt of bottle prep, pumping, washing, sterilizing, feeding, repeat, repeat, repeat. I lost all but about five pounds of the forty I gained by the end of my first week home, and can see my ankle and knee bones again. I've also been out for several short walks, twice with the twins in their enormous, new Chicco Together Cortina stroller. I stop and think about how uncomfortable those last few weeks and days of pregnancy were so I can relish my reclaimed ability to sleep, eat and move comfortably now. Well, sleep is an exaggeration - let's say, "catnap" - sleep is a distant memory. We're hoping to find a nanny to come and help out at the end of the Sept., when Akhil is back at work and our visitors have all gone home. And life resumes. With twins!

I'm obsessing. Am I obsessing? Maybe I am obsessing. But I suppose if you're going to obsess over anything in life, the impending birth of your children is probably the one that's excused and ok. Still, I wish I could make some greater use of this "rest time" I have before my due date and say, start my own multi-million-dollar business or enroll in business school or write the great American novel or save the world... or something.

Instead I'm constantly cleaning the house to make sure it's in tip-top shape before I have to go to the hospital, investigating the evil Internet, and well, just reading books and watching movies. Not much else. Meanwhile my head is obsessing in the background, incessantly thinking about the terrible warnings I've gotten from friends who tell me how horrific and hard this is going to be (thanks guys), how tired I will feel, how difficult marriage will become, how undesirable the lifestyle is, and how I need to understand that I will be entering "survival mode" where I will remain for months and months. Oh and maybe just maybe I will find the time to fall in love with the babies. They usually throw that one in at the end, for good measure.

Let's see what happens. I swear I will be honest about it once we're in it. I really will. But I am a little resentful of the consistently negative reviews I've heard about parenthood, especially considering what we went through to get here (3 years and 8 doctors), what we have had to and will continue to sacrifice ($$, time, travel, freedom, etc.), and where we were exactly one year ago (in the midst of radiation treatment for cancer). Could it really be as bad as they say?

Despite the fact that Baby B is constantly kicking me in the ribs, pushing her little legs against my stomach, and Baby A is torturing me with incessant hiccups, not to mention I have gained more than 40 lbs. I have to lose in 2 months or I'll die, I am striving to experience these last few days of pregnancy in a state of wonder and amazement that I have 2 almost fully formed humans living inside me, and that truly, my body has been exceptionally efficient at doing what it needed to do to get them here. I likely will never have this experience again. It's kind of sad, really. A friend of mine told me the other day that she wishes she could be pregnant again, just for a day. She misses it. That feeling that you're not alone, ever, you have a person/people with you every second of the day and you're sustaining them 100% - no one else can see them, feel them, hold them, just me. That's pretty cool. Maybe I'll miss it too. Hard to imagine, but I'd believe it.

Well, lounging appears to work - I lost 4 pounds since Thursday and have normal blood and blood pressure. No babies for today.

Day 7 of disability leave is definitely relaxing (coma-inducing, perhaps?) but now that I'm tethered to the sofa on "pre-eclampsia watch" it's a bit of a drag. I'll know tomorrow whether I actually have it, and then, it's quite possible that my 3 weeks of leave will be cut down to more like one. Are we ready for this? I don't think so!

I gained 6 pounds in a week - that was the biggest sign that things weren't perfectly normal. I hit the 35-week mark today though so whatever happens, the stats say the twins should be a-ok. I had to cancel plans for lunch and museum-hopping with Mai on Friday but she was kind enough to come over to keep me company for a couple of hours, and today, Akhil brought me a house-made pop-tart from Nickel Diner where he had brunch with a friend.

This blog could become very interesting, very soon! Check out our nursery (a work in progress). I love Etsy. We're still trying to figure out the stroller, the car, the nanny... all the big, expensive stuff. Anyone know a good nanny? (Who's willing to take care of twins, full-time, in Pasadena come November? Can't promise anything on their behavior.) Also, if you have a pool, I want to come over and live with you for the next few weeks. Seriously.

Progress report: Today I am at 34 weeks and 1 day and the babies are approaching 5 lbs. apiece while I'm approaching a total weight gain of 40 lbs. Translation: I am extremely uncomfortable but not sure if the trade-off -- premature labor -- would be a better option. I'm sure it's not, but also not sure whether I'd feel any better being post-C-section and unable to sleep because I'll have nursing duties every 2 hours! It's all getting almost a little too real now and now that I'm on disability from work, I have plenty of time to fret about it.

Meanwhile there is a lot of kicking going on and it's getting painful here and there. I just had an ultrasound where you could see the babies have HAIR, and are often wide awake with their eyes open in utero. So strange and miraculous -- but I have to admit, also a little freaky.

I wish there was a little break, maybe say, 48 hours or so, between labor/the birth and the caregiving kickoff so you could catch up on sleep, you know? I am terrified of the chronic sleeplessness that's coming. I suppose the insomnia I'm having now is training...

Wow, it's been almost exactly a year since cancer day - I remember clearly because it was our anniversary.

Well, where are we now? Drumroll please... instead of scheduling surgery for our anniversary, we went out to dinner at Mozza and gave each other lots of red roses and we're expecting twins, yes, our own twins, in about four weeks. (That is, if I can make it to my scheduled due date of August 11.)

Isn't that incredible? Akhil and I aren't the types to rest on our laurels, so we got to work after the drama of last summer came to a close, and by New Years Eve, we had a positive PG test. I wasn't quite able to believe it until the physical effects began to kick in (extraordinary nausea, the most obvious symptom. Oh, that was pleasant).

So my best intention now is to begin a new chapter with this blog, not just a chapter, an epic, and that would be the one where we talk about our family, our family of four.